On the Home Front

I've not written anything "personal" since the end of last year. Well, that's not exactly true, because even if I write commentary (Joseph calls it John-mentary) on the scriptures or culture, it's not just academic.

Anyway, Cindy has been dealing with chemotherapy-induced congestive heart failure (CHF) since October 2007. Though she managed it fairly well, she had some issues the Monday after Christmas 2008 which needed medical attention. Because her cardiologist was out of town, her primary care doctor recommended that we use the emergency room at the medical center. This began a downward spiral of CHF where she was over-hydrated, under-hydrated, in cardiac ICU... long story short, she was in the hospital for almost three weeks with both heart and kidney failure. Unable to have chemo and tired of having endless cycles of blood work, medication adjustments, she opted to go into hospice care early in March.

Our hospice team has been wonderful to us. Our siblings, and my parents, our friends and church family, my boss and co-workers -- all have been forthcoming with great acts of kindness and generosity. We have been so greatly blessed through it.

Cindy has had times of extreme weakness. In that sense, she is a little better now, though still very weak. Her respiration is very shallow and she is on oxygen full-time. Her feet, ankles and legs are very swollen, like the Michelin man, and are painful. This fluid buildup is caused by her CHF -- the heart not pumping well enough to pull the fluid off. Diuretics were helping at one point in time, but they no longer do the job. This is probably due to cancerous tissue in her abdomen blocking the fluid return. She is getting to the point where not only is walking painful, but just sitting with her feet dangling is painful as well. Reclining is becoming the least painful option.

Anyway, in spite of it all, she has a sweet spirit. It has been a great pleasure, as her time may be drawing near, to be her night/weekend aide. Helping in every way I'm able to. It is a joy to show love to her in this way. We love because Christ first loved us. She called this weekend a "fairy tale" weekend, because she has felt fairly well (despite the legs) and has had enjoyable times of prayer and had enjoyed visiting. Hopefully, she will have many more "fairy tales".